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WARNING!
Moreso than the rest of MeTV, this section will contain strong language and comments which some visitors my find offensive. As such, younger vsistors are discouraged from reading any further unsupervised. (Of course, children shouldn't be browsing the interweb unsupervised in the first place ... ) You have been warned!   Monday, February 07, 2005 16:02 - Lessons LearnedWell, if nothing else, I've been learning a few, valuable life lessons these past weeks; lessons I feel duty bound as a conscientious webmonkey to impart upon my loyal membership, whether they you want me to or not! 01. A five kilometre swim (200 lengths in 2:04:28.12; yay me!) is not a good idea after a night of free beer and cheap nurses, even if it is for charity. 02. The aforemantioned free beer & cheap nurses are an eminently dangerous combination; I would encourage everyone here to try it at least once before they die. 03. Getting up at half five the day after the 5k for my first morning swim in over 20 years was well up there with my worst ideas of all time - I only managed to put in a mile ... then I had to go to work. 04. Never attempt to go for a quiet, after work pint when your local is full of primary school teachers on a fundraising night. Not unless a quiet, after work pint for you usually invloves a 4a.m. lock in! 05. No matter how good an idea it sounds, never, ever, ever mix saki and karaoke at 2 in the morning. And, if you do choose to ignore this warning, keep the remote away from those who don't know how to work it, unless gospel songs are your thing! 06. Running around town like a blue arsed fly, trying to drink with three different groups of people doesn't make it easy to get hammered. Invariably you'll end up completely knackered, forgetting where you're supposed to be next and not knowing which conversations you were having with which people. 07. Charity auctions in comic book world are exhausting endeavours as they are little more than an excuse to drink for 12 hours solid in the name of a good cause and you will - no matter how hard you try - end up destroying your credit card buying worthless tat before spewing over a balcony into a crowded bar. (OK, this one I knew already, but it always bears repeating) 08. Finally, always do sober what you say you'll do drunk; that'll learn you to keep your mouth shut! Friday, November 26, 2004 16:22 - I'll be back! Yeah, I know; shite title but I've had about 2 hours sleep in the past week so I'm well fucked! Just wanted to pop me head in and say "Hola!" seeing as I disappeared from MeTVland about 3 months ago without so much as a "Goodbye", "Kiss me arse" - nothing. Well, for those of ye (all two of ye!) wondering what happened to your beloved webmaster causing him to all but drop off the face of the planet. Well, wonder no more, spunk monkies; I've been hard at work on a new business venture, bigger than anything I've ever had to put finger to keyboard for before, in the shape of Woo.ie - Ireland's newest & best online dating agency. It's been a long time coming but we finally went to beta today and things are going better than I could have hoped with no major errors reported. That means we can begin gamma testing (yes, I just made that up!) early next week with an official launch on December 6th so be sure and mark that one down in yer filofaxes, or whatever you crazy kids are using today! After launch, yours truly will be taking a day or two off to try some of this sleep stuff before making me return to my baby, MeTV. Of course, with another monster site to run on a daily basis, that means that my involvement here will be seriously reduced and ther'll a shit load of changes. You'll have to give me a couple of weeks so's I can decide exactly what those changes will be, it ain't gonna be easy! Anywee, I'm off back to the fun, fun world of beta testing; hope I've assuaged any fears any of ye had realted to me whereabouts - see ye all in a couple of weeks. (Party in Abyss' gaff the day of me return, by the way, to celebrate his recent marriaging to Auntie Cherry!) Tuesday, September 14, 2004 09:32 - Blair & BushDon't usually post stuff like this but I pissed myself watching it on The Panel last night! It's Tony Blair & George Bush performing ... well, see for yourselves. Thursday, September 02, 2004 12:23 - Wedding BellsWith all the furore surrounding my little rant on Monday I completely forgot to say congratulations to me cousin, Niall, and his new bride Noreen whose wedding I attended this past weekend. An enjoyable day, despite my distaste for weddings but I learned a valuable lesson: 6 hour drives with varicose veins are not fun! Especially when you're sharing a car with 3 people who don't smoke and won't let you do so!  Monday, August 30, 2004 12:44 - Polite requests: good, rude demands: bad!Stardock big-wig, Brad Wardell has posted a fantsatic article over at JoeUser about people (particularly those on the interweb) who feel that those of us who provide goods and services for free owe them something, that they are our customers and, as such, have the right to make ludicrous and, oftentimes, downright rude demands of us. While Brad focuses on his experiences with Stardock's free products and services, what he says can be applied to everything that is offered without charge, even good ol' MeTV. It's a never ending problem which has plagued me pretty much since I first set foot on the interweb with this site, so let me take this time to clear up a pretty big misconception: I owe you nothing. Zip. Bupkiss. Nada. Yes, there is a small percentage of MeTV members who contribute to the site in some way, shape or form, be it providing themes or lending a hand behind the scenes and, to those prople, I am grateful, always will be, which is evidenced by the fact that they are rewarded with contributor status, they get replies when they e-mail me and/or I listen to them when them make suggestions (within reason) as to how the site should be run. But the contributors are, as I said, a very small percentage of the MeTV membership, they are the minority. Unfortunately, there is a larger minority group here, people who have not contributed a thing to MeTV, pe9ople who I've never heard from until, one day, an e-mail that pops into my inbox bitching about the download limits or demanding that I add the theme for such-and-such a show "immediately". No "please", no "thank you" just outright demands, as though they hold some sway over me and that I should jump when they say so. What these people fail to realise is that, if anything, they owe me. MeTV costs me approximately €360 a year just to keep it up and running, not to mention money spent on CDs for the sole purpose of adding to my library of theme music, the time and effort spent in maintaining the site and the hours upon hours scouring Google & WinMX for elusive themes. And, for this, I recieve no renumeration - no sponsorship, no subscription fees, nothing - I run MeTV out of my own pocket, out of the goodness of my (otherwise black  ) heart beacuse I enjoy doing so. This is a mere hobby to me, I have two full time jobs which come before MeTV as well as a hectic offline life yet I always find time to pop my head in on my baby many times a day to make sure all is running well and if there is anything I can do to improve your experience here.Still think I owe you something? Think again, bub; you owe me. But, unlike you, I'm not demanding anything unrealistic, all I ask is a some common, human decency and a bit of respect - sure, the gushing praise and plaudits are always nice but it's not something I expect, despite my ego, I'd continue with MeTV without it. It's not a lot, I'm not asking for it in an impolite manner, it's something that you all are able to provide me with. So, before you send that snotty e-mail bitching about the fact that you're only allowed download 20 files a month or that your favourite theme isn't available here, take a couple of seconds to ask yourself a few questions: 01. Do I know the full facts? There is documentation available on the site, as well as many posts in the forums which detail the reasons behind the limits imposed on downloads and how to earn yourself more credits. The fact that you're too lazy to read any of this is not an excuse to behave like a prick. 02. Is the file I'm looking for available elsewhere? If you've ever searched MeTV and had no results returned, you will have noticed a link to Steve's Themefinder service. That's not just thrown in there for fun, it's a fantastic little resource which is getting closer every day to listing every single TV, movie & ad theme available on the interweb. Again, if you can't be arsed using it, don't get on your high horse slinging insults at me. 03. What rights do I have? I will always listen to and take into consideration all feedback I receive related to MeTV, but this does not mean you have the any rights related to how MeTV should be run nor can demand things be changed just to suit you. It costs you nothing to be here, you have no obligations; if you don't like the way I keep shop, go elsewhere. 04. Would I like to be treated like this? Most importantly, ask yourself how you would react if you were in my shoes, receiving the e-mail you're just about to send, if it would piss you off, chances are it's going to do so to me as well, moreso because I receive dozens of similar e-mails every day. Politeness doesn't cost you anything but it does brighten my day. Or, to put it all that another way, when contacting me, know the facts and be poilte. It's that simple and, if you follow those 2 little rules, you'll find that you and I will get on a hell of a lot better. And don't feel you have to stop with MeTV; what Brad and myself have said is applicable in all situations where someone is offering something for nothing, both on and off line. Of course, it would be remiss of me not to mention the other two groups of people who comprise the majority of MeTV's membership; those who are perfectly content to take their 20 downloads a month & wait until the following month and those of you who have set up camp in the forums and post away quite happily with bearly a thought to what's happening elsewhere on the site. It's people like you who I continue to work on and improve MeTV for as it's a pleasure to deal with you on a daily basis. Those of you who do provide feedback and ask for this, that & the other do so politely and accept the response you get from me even if you totally disagree with it and I don't want you to stop doing so, I don't want to come out of this seeming like some sort of unapproachable ogre. It's just that, there are some days when you feel like reaching down the line & throttling some people and this little rant has gone some way towards alleviating that frustration. Now, if only the people it's actually directed at would read the damn thing ...! Tuesday, August 24, 2004 16:28 - Public Service AnnouncementJust reading back through one of Snathe!-man's recent journal entries in which he mentions the fine art of urinating upon blazing infernoes and, rather than reduce the debate over there to the levels of my purile humour, I thought I'd take the opportunity to make the following public service announcement here. Never, ever attempt to add your bodily fluids to a fire of any kind after a night of heavy boozing; it can, nay, will result in unsightly scarring and disfiguration of your genitalia which will cause members of the fairer sex to run, screaming to the hills if they are e'er exposed to the gruesome sight. Shaggy has spoken, Shaggy is wise! Friday, August 20, 2004 16:37 - Bastardin', Cunterin', Hooring Macs!Christ on a bike and the 12 disciples in a mini bus; I swear to fuck, if I ever get my hands on Steve Jobs or any of the muppets responsible for the Macintosh I will shove many, many large and sharp (and possibly flaming) objects up their rectums!  How the fuck can anyone claim their shitty, glitch-ridden OSX to be superior to Windows XP? Wednesday, August 04, 2004 15:32 - Jenny LindforsWas sitting on the DART this morning "admiring" all the lovely ads (one of the curses of being in the graphic design business) when one particular ad for the Bud Rising festival caught my attention. Plastered across it in garishly large letters was the name "Jenny Lindfors" which also happens to be the name of a woman I went to school with. A quick Google later and I'm reading through her website; appears she's doing quite well for herself having been featured on the soundtrack for The Halo Effect and the xmas album, "It's All Bells". Tuesday, August 03, 2004 16:03 - Unsticky!Six months later and I finally managed to wash all the Spraymount off me keyboard and get meself unstuck! Sorry I've neglected this area of the site recently but I'd gotten a bit bored with it! Anyway, back now with the usual mix of pointless tat and useless news about me offline life. We'll get things going again with me wishing I could play piano with my balls! Wednesday, February 11, 2004 13:42 - Sticky!Stupid spraymount! Now I'm stuck to my computer! Tuesday, February 03, 2004 15:50 - Crap on a stick!Been waiting patiently for payday this month so's I could pay off my maxed out credit card and then use it to purchase this lovely Gollum statue. But now the fucking thing's sold out! AAARRRRGGGGHHH!! Looks like I'm gonna have to put my trust in someone peddling it on eBay. On the up side, though, these bookends are pretty. 14:32 - Terry Tate - Office LinebackerNow, this is comedy; something to threaten the boss with when he's giving you shit! 10:43 - New Weebl and BobFly me to the moon. Wednesday, January 28, 2004 17:27 - Correction!Life would be good if it wasn't for the testicle-shrinking cold outside which I don't like 'cause I have 0% body fat! 17:10 - I got it! I got it! I got it!What with all the FTP crappage last month, I forgot to mention that I managed to find the one and only store in the whole of Dublin (maybe even in the world!) that stocked the lovely Nokia 3300! Needless to say I proceeded to purchase said phone (for a fair few quid ) and, as the young people say these days, "it's the shit!". In other news and subject to further research Chad Ross may be some sort of God! Also: more Weebl & Bob goodness and the toothless one is going to Wrestlemania for his 5 minutes in the spotlight as son-in-law's bitch. Life is good! Thursday, January 22, 2004 11:40 - Must see TV?Doctors have warned Jordan against bearing all on the upcoming series of My Career's In The Shitter, Somebody Give Me Work (the real name for I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of here! Wednesday, December 03, 2003 16:29 - The Butterfly CollectorClick for humourous animation type thingy. Tuesday, December 02, 2003 16:08 - In the newsPolice arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. Monday, December 01, 2003 11:40 - More ouchie!Managed to find an hour to go skating on Friday evening; first time in about eight years I've been on a rink. After about ten minutes, I managed to find my feet again and I was away. Problem was betwen the people that could skate zipping in and out everywhere and the people who couldn't skate constantly falling over and getting in everybody's way, it was very, very difficult to build up any momentum without killing or being killed. So, I pulled up beside a couple of the girls I was with to have a bitch about this and no sooner had the words "Somebody's trying to take me out!" left me lips than some little fucker came whizzing up behind me, stuck out his arm and took me out at the knee! No problem I know how to "flat back", I can land without doing myself any damage. Right? Wrong! My right arm hit the ice first and being ice it slipped right underneath my arse resulting in a bruised tailbone and a sprained wrist <!-- insert sexual, sore arse/stiff wrist joke here! -->. Little bastard! I'm gonna have you! Caught up with him on the next lap and managed to cut him off on a corner sending him crotch first into a cone! That'll learn yeh, yeh bollox! Anyway, that was my only tumble and we had a good laugh so I'll definitely be going back once 3-2-1 is out of the way. Only four days to go, now; they started putting the marquee up at the weekend and believe me when I say it's fucking massive! It's 180 feet long which is longer than half a rugby pitch with proper toilets and a full kitchen. I'm actually quite looking forward to it now, despite those pricks from the event company. On another, completely unrelated note, from where I'm sitting, it sounds like there's an air raid siren going off in Dublin city! Weird! Friday, November 28, 2003 12:25 - Shut up, shut up, shut up!Bastards in 2FM are playing Fairytale of New York! Fuck off and wait 'til christmas yis whores! Thursday, November 27, 2003 10:59 - Ouchie!Opening up the clubhouse in the dark last night I obviously couldn't see that some arse bandit had moved the chair in the hallway. Wallop! I walked straight into it. Now, these chairs are heavy little bastards and I sent it flying across the floor leaving a big, fuck-off bruise on me leg the size of a coconut! As if my legs weren't fucked up enough already; my limp's getting more and more like General Von Klinkerhoffen's everyday! Wednesday, November 26, 2003 12:17 - Talk about ...Listening to the radio and they've just played No Doubt's It's My Life, Girls Aloud's Jump and Westlife's Mandy back to back and I noticed something. Yes, they are all big, festering piles of shit by some of the most talentless muppets ever to be handed a record contract but also they're all cover versions (of Talk Talk, Pointer Sisters and Barry Manilow songs respectively). Is nobody making original music anymore? OK, I know it'd be a bit of a stretch for Wanklife to string more than two words together, but it would be better than them pissing on classics (Mandy? Classic? Not quite, but you get the point). Is it any wonder the pop industry's gone down the shitter? Where has all the good, original music gone? Monday, November 24, 2003 15:31 - 3-2-1 Arse!Don't know if I told ye all about 3-2-1 yet but it just got very messy. 3-2-1 is a nickname I've given to a gig we've got coming up in the rugby club in less than two weeks: 3000 people, 2 nights, 1 big fuck-off marquee. When we took the booking, we had everything planned out; despite the fact that there's only five of us working there, we had enough contacts to be able to staff it and we had the whole weekend planned out from the setup of the marquee on Thursday right through to stripping it all down on Sunday. But, of course things can never be that easy! Now we have a second function booked for the Friday evening in the clubhouse for 200 people. Just as we're about to ring around for even more staff, the event company tell us they're going to look after everything on the Friday night, from stock & setup to staff & clean-up. Now, before I go any further, allow me to clarify something: we hate event companies. To put it politely, they're a shower of sanctimonious, obnoxious, patronising, self-centred cunts! With well over 30 years experience between the five of us, quite clearly we're not qualified to organise a piss up. Well, if you want to run the show yourselves, you can do just that, just don't expect us to answer any of your stupid questions like, "Can we borrow a hand trolley?", "Got a spare screwdriver?" or "Any chance of a cup of tea?". No! Fuck off! You said you can do this on your own, we have our own function to get ready for, now bugger off! So Friday night's gonna be a flop and I couldn't give a flying fuck, maybe it'll learn those event company wankers to leave things to people who know what they're doing! At least we only need worry about Saturday; the Doofer, the Pup and meself should be able to get the place set up in 2 or three hours, piece of piss. Oh, but what's this? The ERB want the Leinster v Biarritz Celtic League match to be played in Landsdowne Road (which is our home pitch) meaning that our first team's match that day has been moved to our grounds (our other home pitch!) with a lunch for 120 people beforehand. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo! That means the Doffer's gonna have to look after the lunch and post-match booze up and the Pup'll be releagated to the car park, leaving yours truly to get the marquee up to scratch with a B-team of braindead, pansy-ass arseholes who won't be able to lift an empty beer keg, never mind a full one. This is turning into a fucking nightmare! And, we've just found out that the event company want their staff working at the Saturday gig with us. Uh-Uh! No fucking way! One, I'm not ringing 'round everyone to tell them that they've been shafted out of a night's work for the second day in a row. Two, and more importantly, we're not working bar with pricks from an event company, not a chance in hell, so why don't ye all just go play a little game of hide and go fuck yourselves! I tell ye, I'll be looking forward to my lie-in on Sunday morning once I get out of the club at about 5am ... that's if I could have one, the little shits (a.k.a., mini rugby) still want to train on the Sunday, despite the fact that I told the coordinator that between the marquee, the cars and and the drunken corpses, there ain't gonna be no room for the little bastards out there. ... Anyone want a job in a rugby club?! 11:12 - Grr!Much as it pains me I suppose congratulations are in order for England. They played a better game of rugby on the day. Still, I'm not going to rest until the "magic" water bottle is investigated. For those of you who don't have RTÉ, our boys spotted Martin Johnson talking into his water bottle during a break in the first half while Clive Woodward received a message in his ear piece. Suspicious to say the least; in my opinion England should be stripped of the cup and banned from interbational competition for the rest of eternity! Thursday, November 20, 2003 16:16 - Funky menu script!After seeing it in use on the Quark website and Richard Kinser pointing me in the right direction (cheers, man ), I think I've fallen in love with Young Pup's Slide Out Menus script. I'm going to play around with it a bit while redesigning the Face 2 website and, if it's as impressive as it looks, it may just  replace Brothercake's script which I've been using on MeTV for years. Wednesday, November 19, 2003 10:18 - jairoboudewyn.comYet another of my favourite skinners has his website up and running, you'll find it in this general region. Friday, November 14, 2003 15:20 - Silly man! 10:32 - Psychic Fido!This is kinda freaky the first time you try it out, but there's a very sound logic behind it, see if you can work out how it's done. Wednesday, November 12, 2003 10:09 - Women! Tuesday, November 11, 2003 10:29 - New Weebl!Yay! New Weebl and Bob cartoon! Yay! They make me laugh.  ... Yay! Monday, November 10, 2003 17:13 - essorant.comFor anyone that has even a passing interest in skinning, the website of one of my favourite skinners has finally reopened. *random cheering sound effect* Make mouse-clickety sound here to investigate further. 16:02 - Nokia 3300!I want it! I want it! I want it! But, according to my friendly neighbourhood Nokia dealer, it's not fucking available yet! Despite the fact that ads have been on the telly for the past four months! I WANT IT NOW! *runs off and sulks in a corner* 09:25 - Don't mention the rugby!Well done lads, you picked a good day to pull out your worst performance in the past two or three years!   Oh, well, guess I just have to rely on the little bit of French blood running through my veins to find something worth cheering for for the rest of the tournament.  Friday, November 07, 2003 12:56 - Time warp!Bollox! Nearly missed lunch. The clock on my computer thinks it's 11:19 when it's really 12:58. It does that a lot. Anyone know what the cause could be? 12:10 - Shiny new 'blog!So here I am with a shiny new 'blog. Gawd only knows what'll be posted here, it'll probably just sit here and fester until I get drunk and post something lewd in it! (Me? Drunk? And lewd? Neeever! ) |
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